Most of us learn early how to get things. We get grades, followers, opportunities, people's approval. The getting approach works for a lot of life - work hard, produce results, achieve the outcome. But it breaks down badly when applied to relationships. You cannot optimise your way to a great partnership. You cannot hustle into being genuinely chosen by someone you want. And so, for many people, the relationship goal becomes a quiet source of ongoing failure rather than inspiration - something they are falling short of, month after month, with no clear path to fixing it. Jennifer Taitz draws on a framework from psychology called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to offer a different way of thinking. The shift is from goals to values. Goals are outcomes with a finish line: be in a relationship by 25, get married before my friends do, meet someone at this event. Goals are either achieved or not. When they are not achieved, they generate disappointment and, often, shame. Values are directions you move in, with no end point: be warm and open with people, invest in depth in my friendships, contribute something meaningful, show up honestly in my own life. Values cannot be failed. You can always move toward them, one action at a time, regardless of what anyone else does or does not do. Taitz asks a sharp question: what would you do differently if you already had a partner? You would probably feel freer to travel, to invest in your friendships, to take creative risks, to be more at ease socially. So what is actually stopping you from doing those things now? Your worth as a person is not paused, waiting for someone to confirm it. It already exists. And so does your capacity to build a life that means something to you.