Before you can remove a brick, you have to see it. And before you can see it, you have to be willing to look. Counting your bricks is not about building a case against someone. It is not about tallying up grievances so you can present them at the right moment. It is honest work, done quietly, about what has built up between you and someone you want to be closer to. Start by asking: when did things start to feel different? Not the moment they became obviously difficult, but when did the temperature quietly drop? What happened around that time? What was said or done that you noted but never addressed? Then ask: have I added my own bricks? Resentment, coldness, withdrawal, snapping, scoring points in small ways — these are bricks too. A wall is rarely built by one person. This kind of inventory is uncomfortable because it requires honesty about your own role. But it is also the only useful kind. You cannot work with a version of the situation that leaves you entirely blameless. The real picture is almost always more complicated than that, and the real picture is the only one that leads anywhere.