Here is one of the most liberating things you can understand about difficult people: most of their prickly behaviour has very little to do with you. The boss who is snapping is probably stressed about something far above your level of involvement. The family member who criticises everything may be in pain about something entirely unrelated to you. The colleague who is cold and dismissive may have had three difficult interactions before yours this morning. This does not mean their behaviour is acceptable or that you should ignore its impact on you. It means that when you take their behaviour personally, you add suffering that was not necessary. You spend energy processing an attack that was not really aimed at you. The more useful strategy is to develop the habit of curiosity instead of reaction. When someone is prickly with you, ask yourself: what might this actually be about for them? What are they dealing with that I cannot see from where I am standing? You do not have to answer the question perfectly. The act of asking it moves you from victim to observer, which is a far more useful place from which to respond. This shift also enables empathy. When you recognise that a difficult person is carrying something heavy, it becomes possible to respond with genuine care rather than defensiveness or contempt.